Part 37

The View from Nongkhai

Published

11 August

2006

The lost day

Last month I missed 24 hours out of my life. This is what I've been able to reconstruct on the basis of eye-witness accounts, bar bills and the pictures in my camera:- 

Some time in the late afternoon I cycled to the Meeting Place to dine on that Sunday's special which was roast goat (left). As an aperitif I had two bottles of Chang Light. With the meal I had three glasses of red wine, which was probably a little excessive, but I had 'got the taste'.

The German Grand Prix was on that evening, so I cycled from the Meeting Place to the Kiwi, where Kim and I and other F1 fans watch the race on Hasi's big screen.

It was a boring, lacklustre race, won I think by a team with a red car, and was notable only for Carsten's confident prediction that the winner of the next Grand Prix (in Hungary) will also win the Driver's Championship. More on this prediction later.

Right, Carsten in the colours of a red team.

Hasi (right) is Swiss, so the food on offer has a distinctive Swiss flavour, but I hadn't realised that Swiss food is also highly mathematical.

If you look at Kim's meal (above) you will see that there are six scoops of mashed potato forming a grid in perfect alignment. The potato rectangle is surmounted by three meatballs forming an equilateral triangle on one of the axes of symmetry of the potatoes. A garnish of two slices of tomato on a single lettuce leaf placed symmetrically on a tangential diameter completes the geometry.

Yes now I can see why the Swiss have a reputation for precision!

During the race I drank three further Chang Lights. When it was over I popped into Derrick & Nong's place, a couple of doors away. Nong and Deer were on their way out to eat, but I managed to get this photo of Nong's new hairstyle. I had one glass of red wine with Derrick, before cycling back to the Meeting Place, where Giulio and Geoff were just on their way out. They invited me to join them, so leaving my bicycle at the M.P., I jumped in Geoff's Jubblymobile. Our destination was a small bar on Meechai road.

According to Geoff and Giulio I drank seven bottles of Singha, before falling asleep at the table. Geoff and Giulio took me home and deposited me at the front door around four in the morning. Personally I don't believe it, but if it is true, then it might explain why I slept until mid-day, and woke up to discover that someone had left a Technicolor yawn in the bathroom. (It wasn't me otherwise I'd remember it!)

Although conscious (barely) I felt dreadful,  but somehow made it through the rest of the day, with that familiar cry "Never Again!".

Hungarian Grand Prix

I mentioned above Carsten's confident prediction that the winner of the Hungarian Grand Prix will also win the Driver's Championship. Carsten got to the Kiwi before Kim and I, so my view of the race was somewhat obscured by this view of the back of Carsten's head.

As we now know, the race was won by British driver Jensen Button driving a BAR Honda. Jensen is currently 6th in the driver standings on 31 points, while Alonso leads with 100 points. There are 6 races to go, so even if Jensen wins them all he will finish the season with only 91 points.

Carsten, I don't think that you should try and earn a living making predictions. Stick to the travel business and Go Tha Sadet.

Friday night is roast pork night at The Outback

Glen has introduced roast pork to the menu as a regular Friday event. He will vary the 'trimmings', week by week, but the offer on the left will be continued on future Fridays. Glen does have one caveat however; although as it says, he does offer small children for free, customers are limited to one each. Perhaps to clarify the matter, it should be changed to small child free.

Clearly Oui (left) seen here with husband Micky decided that she wanted her small child as a carry-out.

I featured their wedding in March in part 31  so I would not be surprised if Oui soon learns how to make babies of her own, rather than relying on Glen's Friday night free offer.

I have attended the first two 'Friday Roast Pig Specials', and now plan to go no further than the Outback on a Friday evening.

Another regular attendee on Friday nights is pictured right and is ominously known as 'the Pig'. I say ominously because unlike Priscilla, who lived a long life at the Outback, (see inter alia part 16 ), the Pig has no name. This does not bode well for the Pig, who can probably look forward to being the guest of honour at a Friday Roast Pig Special in the near future.

Below left, asleep at the bar in the Outback was Jim's friend Brad, so it happens to other people too? Centre, Glen and Yai looking very happy together, while below right there are now permanent bar staff in an attractive 'Outback' uniform. If I have their names correctly, they are from L to R Bia (sounds rather like beer), Ning, and Jeab pronounced as two syllables Gee-Ap.

Jim's suggested caption for the photo of his mate Brad, was "a customer waiting for service at the Outback". Although this was witty, it was very unfair and especially not true, given the three eager beavers behind the bar.

Meanwhile at the Meeting Place

About two years ago, Thailand was hit by SARS, (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome), but even worse, at that time, Nongkhai was hit by PADS, or Physiognomy Acquisition Deficiency Syndrome - see parts 5 and 6 among others. PADS is a tragic medical condition whose victims can no longer tell people apart with the result that they will call one person by the name of another. This month has seen further cases of affliction. Without doubt the most attractive was Zuzana, who was visiting Nongkhai from her native Czechoslovakia. The dreadful truth of her sickness emerged when she referred to me as Ian. What a tragedy!

The next, somewhat less attractive victim was Gary (left), who exhibiting identical symptoms, also referred to me as Ian while seated in the Meeting Place. It's hard to tell I know, but Gary's eyes are open. Gary is a close friend of Mark (right) who is pictured here in a complicated mating ritual.

This years outbreak has however some worrying new features. For example below left this man claims that his name is also Gary. He looks nothing like Gary, so how can he have the same name? Clearly a wild new strain of PADS where someone assumes the name of another. Then even worse, study the pictures of Zuzana and Gary above and compare them with those below, some very distressing distortion of physiognomic features is taking place. Zuzana and Jarda head back to Europe this month, so our commiserations go out to them, but Zuzana did say that she is missing her Mother's cooking.

 Self Image

What matters most is

how you see yourself.

Speaking of Self Image

Thanks to Barry for the picture and caption. I included it because I liked it, but on reflection I am not sure I would agree. Would you agree that what matters most is how you see yourself? Surely one must take account of other people's view of oneself, if one is not to become totally delusional? Hm, back to those passengers again?

Doughnut the Devious wrote part 9 (it is worth going back to read) and in it appointed Kaptain Kilo of the Weight Police to investigate Ian's claim that he weighed only 81 kg. Ian confided recently that he was back to 93 kg following a diet of comfort food during his rather dispiriting last trip to Australia. Ian now claims to be sticking to a wholly Thai food diet in a serious effort to lose weight. However this picture was captured by one of Doughnut's undercover operatives.

 So Mr. Sheppard, exactly when did burger and chips become Thai food?

I can testify that Ian does eat exclusively Thai food at Oy's restaurant. Not only is it delicious, but it is very reasonably priced too. 

However I suspect that Ian's motive in going there so often is more than just culinary. I've said before that Ian has the hots for Oy. It's not hard to see why in this photo, and it also seems pretty clear that they are both enjoying themselves. I don't know if there is a connection, but Oy has been spending a lot of time next door to me at Ian's, and Ian has been looking especially tired the next day!!

Right, as a loyal customer I get a cuddle from Oy.

Bangkok

On a recent trip to Bangkok I was able to photograph this taxi in the process of being removed from the scene of a multi-vehicle crash - I counted two taxis, two coaches, and at least one other car still at the scene. I discussed it with my taxi driver, and we concluded that the driver of the red taxi had survived. He suggested that I make a note of the taxi number - it was 7985, and use this number in the next lottery. Surprise, surprise, it didn't win.

Thank you to everybody who sent good wishes to my Mum for her birthday. I passed them on to her and she really appreciated them.

Another birthday in July was Manao, who is Oy's daughter and a surrogate granddaughter for me.

OK that's enough for this episode.  I have no idea what I will write about in the next episode, but I'll try to find something that I think might amuse or interest you.

If you want copies of any of the photos, or want to write to us, but you don't know our personal email addresses, you can email us at :         mail@nongkhai.co.uk 

Best Wishes to all our readers        Tony and Dott