The Nongkhai Narrative

Part 19

being Tall Tales from Thailand

  Published 6 July 2005

It is nearly two months since the last episode was published. My excuses are that I was in England visiting my family for some of the time, and have been struck down by a series of throat infections since my return. Before embarking on the tale of my visit to UK, I would like to pick up some loose ends from the last episode. I don't know all the farang bar/cafe/restaurants in Nongkhai, but of those I have frequented, it is disappointing to add the names of Kai (Danish Baker), Kelvin (Sweet Orchid) and Christian (Savoy) to those of former proprietors Andrew (Kiwi Bar) and Glen (Outback Bar) no longer trading in Nongkhai. The list of establishments serving quality western food was never densely populated, and as many will know, it was my opinion that Glen set the standard by which to judge the others. It is a promising sign for those who don't eat their food with a shovel that the Outback has been re-opened by Julio and Sang (right) with the stated aim of serving quality meals and wine. It will be predominantly but not exclusively Italian in flavour.

England in June

Some people don't think that England is hot in June, but below I offer evidence to the contrary. On the left is my friend Dan posing three weeks ago in front of Wells cathedral (he lives a couple of miles from Wells). On the right is Dan posing with myself (disguised as Ian) outside Christian's in Nongkhai earlier this year. And yes you've probably spotted what Dott noticed immediately, Dan is wearing the same jumper in both photos. Clear and conclusive proof that England in June is as hot as Thailand, unless of course you want to suggest that Dan's wardrobe consists of only one jumper which he wears on every occasion the sun shines.

England in May

England in May is a different story, as this photo of me with my grand-daughter Chandi may illustrate. It had been raining and we both felt the need for some extra layers against the cold, when we went for an afternoon walk. For most of this year my daughter and her family have been living in the rural Suffolk village of Laweshall. What makes this village different (apart from the fact that everybody insisted on telling me that Claudia Schiffer lives there) is that they hold an annual scarecrow competition. So on the left below are Charles and Camilla apparently at Highgrove, while on the right is an artist at her easel.

 Below I liked the humour behind the 'scared crow' entry, while the judges decided that the best entry was the couple in conversation at the gate.

Sunday Lunch at a Suffolk Carvery

My daughter Jacqueline and her husband Purwanto (right with their daughter Chandi) generously paid for Sunday lunch for the rest of the family when we all met at a traditional Suffolk pub (The Flying Fortress) one Sunday. The portions were enormous, and the roast beef was delicious. It was excellent value, and should you find yourself near Bury St. Edmunds do try to eat there. I know that I will return if I get the chance. Below left my father Tom and my son Chris, centre my Mum and I, and right my other grand-daughter Anisa.

"Green" fuel : Bio-diesel

My son Chris has long been a supporter of "green" issues, but unlike some supporters, who give only "lip-service", Chris actually gives his time and money to causes in which he believes. So he has set up in partnership with a long-time school friend Peter with the intention of manufacturing environmentally friendly fuel which does not come from our world's dwindling stock of oil. I caught him here driving a forklift truck, and was impressed by how easy it looked. so when he asked me if I would like to drive it and move some of the empty tanks I jumped at the chance. It turned out much harder than Chris made it look.  While turning and looking forward,  the rear end

made contact with a stack of scaffold staging which fell to the floor with a resounding crash that seemed to go on for ever. Chris was not best pleased! If he had been paying me for my labour, I am sure I would have been fined for the damage. As it was, he insisted on taking a photo (below right) of the damaged part! Look carefully, and you can see that the 'top finger' is slightly out of line. Luckily some delicate work with a 14lb sledgehammer redressed the damage. Pete (pictured left wearing a mask so as to remain anonymous) was meanwhile power washing the floor . When he finished the floor, I was given the chance to try my skills with the power washer on the re-located tanks.

I hadn't realised that I was going to be doing so much dirty work, and was wearing a brand new pair of trousers. By the end of the day they were filthy and soaked as you may be able to see when I posed on the forklift for this photo. Interesting that Pete was working in a short-sleeve shirt, while I was wearing two jumpers and a coat. It seems that Pete and I entered into a bet last year, which he was proud to tell me he had won.  I am ashamed to say that I

have yet to honour the bet. I will do so when I next see him, his wife Clare, and their new baby which is due in January, and which incidentally was the subject of the bet. Congratulations to you both.

Old haunts revisited

Once again I am wearing two 2 jumpers, while this time it is Clive who sports a sleeveless shirt. We were in a pub/restaurant just off Kilburn High Road, in North London so I had at least been able to take off my coat! Clive lives within walking distance of this pleasant spot, and many of the roads in the area were familiar to me, as I had spent a large part of my teens and twenties there. The ruddy glow on our cheeks is accounted for by the bottle of Brouilly I am holding, which judging by the empty glasses in the foreground we had just polished off.

George Dubyaland : My country right or wrong

The original quotation, by Carl Schurz, a 19th-century writer and office holder, was;

"My country! When right, keep it right; when wrong, set it right."

Rather different emphasis I think.

Citizens of George Dubyaland constitute only 4% of the world population, and have just 2% of world oil reserves (not counting the oil they now control in Iraq), but consume 25% of the world's oil production and are responsible for 25% of carbon dioxide emissions. They use 50 million tons of paper annually, consuming 850 million trees. They are the biggest user of resources and the biggest polluters of this planet on which we all have to live, but their government has a complete indifference to world opinion and refuses to address the vital issue of climate change. The only thing that seems to matter is that they get richer.

This week citizens of George Dubyaland have been celebrating Independence Day. On a separate page reached by this is a thought provoking article with which it is difficult to argue, and from which the reference to Carl Schurz was taken. Please take the time to read the article. For more about Carl Schurz, go to http://www.germanheritage.com/biographies/mtoz/schurz.html

I know that some of my readers disagree with my views. If any of them wish to write defending George Dubya I will make space for any contributions suitable for publication.

Pictured left is Dr José in his surgery dispensing shots of Tequila. In the last episode Dr José warned of the dangers of prostate cancer, that it is caused by a lack of sex, and advising men of all ages to "MAKE SURE YOU GET PLENTY OF SEX!"

Dr José's answers for those who wrote in asking whether they were getting plenty of sex are as follows:-

DD from Udonthani : Definitely not enough, visit my surgery for some blue tablets.

GG from Pattaya : Sex with yourself doesn't count, even if you are using a full-length mirror,  try to meet people and get out more. Otherwise you might go blind.

The Outback

Julio and Sang have brought some new ideas to Nongkhai, as shown by this sign on display outside the Outback. Now there's an interesting marketing concept. No Happy Hours, No 'Special Promotions', just all beer all day for 50 baht a bottle. Dott and I were there to try the food. We both cleared our plates, and will be going back for more, so I think that speaks volumes. While chatting with Julio, he told me his age, and he is one month older than my son Chris. So what?  Well it turns out that he and Chris were both born in the Central Middlesex hospital at Edmonton, North London, so there is a very strong chance that Chris's mother would have met Julio's mother when they were attending ante-natal classes at the hospital.