Published     6 February 2005

To view earlier episodes laboriously crafted

for your edification and entertainment

I would like to thank not only everybody who wrote to me in support of my attacks on Emperor Bush, but also to thank those few who don't share my views, yet have respected my right to express them. 

I have had some moans from residents of "Nongkhai" and elsewhere, to the effect that my portrayal of "Nongkhai" does not meet their approval. If you also disapprove, please

 

	Back in I congratulated John and Phon on her pregnancy. Over the months since then, John has been subject to a lot of teasing, which he has borne in good part. In recent weeks it was obvious that John was very much looking forward to the birth of his daughter. This took place, pretty much on schedule, on Sunday 16th.
Congratulations Phon and John		Here is Alannah at 9 days old. She has piercing blue eyes and definitely has John's chin. (Poor girl)!

Naturally the burning question for John's friends in Udonthani and Nongkhai is "When are we going to wet the baby's head?" John, now you have a daughter you'll have to get used to spending money, so you should get some practice as soon as possible! This year would be nice John, just let us know where and when!

Almost every Saturday afternoon between 2pm and 5pm I can be found in The Complex in Udonthani, and it was there that the picture of John and Phon above was taken. I am usually in the company of Colin (below left) and John.  Different friends join us three 'regulars' from time to time. On the left is Richard with his second son Ben, on Ben's second birthday. Clearly Ben found the visit far too exciting. In February last year Richard was 40. He promised his friends that he would hold a party to celebrate. This year would be nice Richard, just let us know where and when! Below right is Mark on his maiden visit. Mark comes from Australia and is currently living across the border in Laos. He and Ian are joined together in the prosecution of Mr One Tooth who you may recall is currently a guest in Nongkhai of H.M. the King. Ian has undertaken to write a humorous account of his side of the story. This year would be nice Ian, just let us know when! Colin and a very relaxed looking John sharing a joke with Mark. From the number of bottles on the table, I guess that it was closer to 5 o'clock than 2. The two bottles of water and 7-up were mine.   Priscilla's Outback Bar & Grill Glen (left) hosted a great opening evening. The theme of the bar should be fairly obvious from it's name. Being a perfectionist, Glen went to the trouble of importing sheets of corrugated iron from Oz. These are quite similar to those found in Thailand and most parts of the world, but to the cognoscenti, that touch of authenticity makes all the difference. I think that Andrew would have difficulty recognising his former premises.     Above: Priscilla the eponymous pig. Glen has acquired some lovely polished wooden tables and seats, and found wagon wheels and straw bales to use as decorative features. Ancient farm implements adorn the walls and the bar area incorporates an authentic 'tin roof'. The food quality remains at the high level we have come to expect from Glen. Virginia loved the Fettuccine Carbonara, and I found the Spaghetti Bolognaise very tasty. On the left, L to R, Ajarn Jon, "Ian" and Dan, my friend since school. I am exactly one month older than Dan (as we were both born on 16th) but I am exactly 20 years older than Jon as he was born on my birthday in 1966 (The year that England won the World Cup btw). Right, Paul and Glen (wearing hats) with their families and staff. Lighting is generally provided by hurricane lamps, which give much more atmosphere than the usual strip lights, and the bare bulbs over the bar itself add a nice touch. If you look closely at the reflection in the mirror behind Glen, you can see the underside of the authentic 'tin roof'. If you look really closely, you may just be able to spot that the pitch of the corrugations is that used only in Australia. It is this attention to detail which gives the bar that genuine outback feeling. That plus the live Koala bear pinned by one ear to the bar. Glen explained that it keeps the flies off the food. Hans and partner Doowang Jacques and girlfriend Paul with father Ken       I mentioned Dan above, and featured his last visit to Nongkhai in May 2004 in That episode also included a picture of us at school together in 1959. In the photo of Dan on the left taken last month in Bangkok, he is with an old friend of some years whose name approximates to Wun. In the photo of Dan on the right taken two days later, he is with a girl he has just met, whose name approximates to Dow. Dan have you thought about adding to your wardrobe?       Pictured right are three Thai ladies, who temporarily became nuns. I took this photo at a forest temple just outside Banwang, the village in which I used to live. Does one of them look familiar? The lady on the left is Wun, first pictured above with Dan. In the centre is her friend On, and next to On is her Mum. Wun and On work together in Bangkok. They have come to the tranquillity of the forest temple for nine days to make merit, and to cleanse their hearts and spirits. By making merit in this way, they hope that when reincarnated, their next lives will be better.   Frugal Freda's Tip No. 2   OK you've got your accommodation sorted (tip no. 1) now you need to think about transport. Any form of motorised transport is going to involve spending money, so clearly that's out. But don't let your friends think that you are simply a 'Cheap Charlie'. Make it known that you are environmentally aware and that by eschewing ownership of a fuel burning vehicle, you are saving the planet. But don't be too sanctimonious about this as you will need to find out who makes regular journeys in a car, and avail yourself of a lift. For example, Colin (above) lives at the Rimkong Condotel and goes to the Complex in Udonthani every Saturday leaving at precisely 10.45 a.m. Provided you have done nothing to offend Colin, he will almost certainly give you a free lift to Udonthani, although it may be Thai style in the back of the pick-up.   For shorter journeys a bicycle will be best, especially as Issan is so flat. But don't buy a bike. A tour of local rubbish dumps and scrap heaps will soon yield enough parts to build your own bike for free! Amazing Thailand!

Followers of Thai TV soaps (e.g. my wife) will know that there is currently an advertising campaign to discourage drinking and driving. So it was interesting to stop for petrol at a garage on the road between Udonthani and Nongkhai and see this colourful display of goods on sale. The bottled water at the front is given away free with larger purchases of fuel, but what caught my eye were the boxes just to the left of the water, and the bottles on the shelf at the back, so I have included these close-ups. For those not resident in Thailand, the red boxes contain bottles of Leo beer, while the green boxes contain bottles of Chang beer. The tins also contain Chang beer. While on the back shelf, you have a choice from left to right of brandy, two different brands of whiskey, and two different brands of Laos Khao. Like most other petrol stations you can go and buy alcohol at any time they are open. Astonishingly this is not the case with our local supermarket Tesco-Lotus, which is not allowed to sell alcohol between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. This applies not just on holy days or holidays, but every day! Bizarrely, the bar in the food court (which is also part of Tesco-Lotus) is allowed to remain open. Amazing Thailand!

Book Recommendation

Last episode I recommended The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. My son who loaned it to me may be interested to know that his Grandmother wishes to read it. Meanwhile I have just finished 'The Plan' by Stephen J. Cannel, and it is my recommendation this episode. It shows how anyone with enough money can buy the President of the United States. Don't believe me? Then read it. The only thing I couldn't believe was Lockheed SR-71 Blackbirds being carrier based (page 273). I have yet to return it to the library from which it came, so if anyone (in Nongkhai or Udon) wants to read it, just let me know. I also recommend any book by Michael Moore. Apparently Fahrenheit 9/11 has just been shown on TV in the UK. If anybody recorded it (for personal use only of course) please let me know.

Above Dan and I in Brendan's library for a Burns night supper. Am I really that fat, or was I just standing badly? Clearly a photo of which I do not approve. I must go and press that button! On the left are Dan and Kim sharing a joke at an open air coffee shop on Prajak Road. Look again and yes, Dan has the same clothes on in both photos taken 4 days apart. Wait a minute, look at the two photos taken in Bangkok, and he's also wearing the same clothes. Mr Rapley, have you taken Frugal Freda's tips to heart? You really should do something to improve the variety of your attire!

Ian (right) still claims to weigh 82 kg, but Captain Kilo has been unable to verify this. We had a cold spell in Nongkhai in January, hence Ian's uncharacteristic choice of the tracksuit trousers and jacket for warmth. I told Ian that this strange clothing makes him look like a prison visitor, which in a sense he is, as he and Mark are often called upon to confront Mr One Tooth in Nongkhai prison. Ian was pictured at OJ's eating a meal of mince, mashed potatoes and peas, which by a strange coincidence was the meal favoured by the Mancunian master criminal (in the days when he was free to roam the streets in search of fresh victims). I suppose if you only have one tooth, your choice of dishes is rather limited.

OK That's enough for this episode. In episode 15 there will be coverage of Brendan's first quiz afternoon. No one in the assembled company could answer the question "What was the Vulgate Aversion?"  Read episode 15 for the surprising answer. And of course my friend Dan will be showing off his new wardrobe! (Not)

 Best Wishes to all our readers Tony and Dott

 P.S. Woofs to all readers and special kisses to Kim from Doughnut (Kim I'm a little bit jealous because I'm sure I saw you kissing Dan! Was that what the joke was about?)

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