Published     10 December 2004

The Nongkhai Narrative (Pt. 11)

Doughnut was very pleased to welcome Virginia back to Nongkhai, after a (too) long absence. Virginia brought back a Halloween costume for him, which he wanted to wear. I tried explaining to him that Halloween was back in October, but Doughnut insisted on wearing it, and now refuses to take it off. I suspect that he is wearing it as a disguise. You may recall his rather controversial comments about cats in part 9. I now learn that he received a death threat soon after that episode was published, which he is taking very seriously. (Hence the need for a disguise). Doughnut put Triple S (Super Sleuth Sheppard) on the case. Triple S was able to verify that a shadowy figure with a code name of 'Chatchy' has taken out a contract on Doughnut, and furnished me with this photo of the likely assassin. Doughnut you might want some dark glasses to complete the disguise, and a bullet proof vest might prove useful!

In October, before leaving for the UK I did a farewell round of some Nongkhai bars in the company of Jimmy and Colin. The exact order is a bit hazy, but below on the left Colin and I were very happy about something at the Kiwi Cafe, and on the right is Jimmy (left) with Brendan when we visited Brendan's bar.

At the Meeting Place I remember being rather taken by Nigel's tattoo, so Glen (background left) helpfully provided me with a masterpiece. Somewhere along the way I seem to have changed into my 'Ian' outfit. Apple gave me a farewell cuddle, but only because she thought that she was cuddling Ian and would be spending a night at the Grand Hotel.

I didn't have a farewell drink in Andrew's 'Red Swan' bar, which turned out to be a shame as it ceased to exist while I was in the UK. Andrew is now in New Zealand, but I hope he will be back here before too long as he was a great host, and is missed by his friends. Here is a photo of Andrew from earlier this year with his arm around Peter. Greetings and best wishes from all your friends (and former customers) in Nongkhai.

Hurry back!

While I was in the UK one reader of this narrative commented that the picture it gives of life in Thailand verges on hedonism, while another told me that she liked reading about all the food.  Initially, both comments surprised me. Later, I realised that they are linked, and that both reflect views of Thailand from the perspective of the West. I can see that all the pictures of bars, restaurants and girls might be construed as hedonism, but the reality is very different. We really do have a tough life here, but somebody has to do it, and we don't want to complain. Our motto is 'When the going gets tough, the tough go to a party'.

The last week of November, for example it was US Thanksgiving on Thursday, Thai Loy Kratong on Friday night, and Aussie Glen's 21st birthday on Saturday night. Without our dedication and year round training, we would not have been able to party for three consecutive nights.

Thanksgiving Thursday at Jose's was a great evening. Excellent turkey, which just fell off the bone, with traditional US trimmings (an acquired taste which I have yet to acquire, I prefer roast potatoes and brussel sprouts etc.). Jose was a great host, and is seen here wearing traditional Puerto Rican costume including hat (he claims it is traditional costume, but it might be mistaken for Cuban). With him is Pete, a nice guy, but a smoker and a drinker who has to have his name sewn onto his sleeve. Look closely at the photo, and you can see it. But what you can't read is that he also has his address written over his breast pocket, for the benefit of those carrying him home at the end of the night.

For Loy Kratong on Friday, Carsten organised a boat trip. The idea was that we would cruise on the river, where Carsten would provide a barbecue. We would view the illuminations on the river bank, the kratongs floating on the river, and we would in turn release our own kratongs to float down river. Three couples, Derrick and Nong, Jimmy and Lampai, and Dott and I all thought that this sounded very romantic, and signed up.

Sadly the reality didn't live up to expectations as people's expressions show. On the left Derrick, Nong and Dott, and on the right Lampai with Jimmy sporting his Pringle jumper.

Perhaps it was the bottled water, the plastic cups, the small portions, or the rather chill night air, but Carsten's hospitality fell short of his usual standard. Even Carsten said that he won't be doing it again next year, which echoed our own sentiments.

Dott and I planned to walk home after we had disembarked, but as we passed the Danish Baker, we spotted Colin in the company of his son who rather confusingly is also called Colin. In the white T-shirt on the left below is Colin, while in the white T-shirt on the right is ..er.. Colin. At least you can distinguish Toy, she has a red dress.

Must be something about being called Colin makes you want to wear a white T-shirt I suppose. Anyway one of the Colins will be pleased to see this picture of Toy, as he spent nearly all of his time in Nongkhai with her, to the extent of missing the regular Saturday trip to the Complex. I must concur that she does have a lovely smile.

Returning from that trip to Udonthani, Dott and I headed for the Meeting Place, and Glen's birthday bash. Here is the birthday boy cutting his cake, but no sign of the 21 candles. Glen had spent a big part of the day preparing a delicious buffet, the remnants of which can be seen on the table. The Nongkhai gossip is that Glen is going to take over the premises formerly occupied by Andrew's 'Red Swan' bar, where he will be providing food and hospitality. Many of us in Nongkhai hope there is some truth in this rumour, as we think Glen would be a worthy successor to Andrew. I will try to get the truth from the 'horse's mouth' and report in the next episode. On his birthday, Glen once again excelled as host, and is seen below balancing a schnapps on Kelvin's head, while Brendan looked on. Meanwhile Ian tried to take advantage of our similarity of appearance by pretending to my wife that he was me. Come on Ian she's not fooled that easily! Especially since Captain Kilo reports that your weight is now up to 84kg. What happened to that diet?

It was a great night, which everybody who attended thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you Glen.

As some readers know, my birthday also fell in November, but celebrations were nowhere near as lavish as Glen's. Instead I chose to have a small dinner party at OJ's, where Derrick cooked a very tasty leg of lamb but which I was forced to carve. Derrick and Nong had worked very hard to create an intimate party atmosphere at OJ's, with one long table and lots of balloons. My new shirt was a present from Dott, and I managed not to spill anything down the front! Below, raising glasses around the table are Kim, Maew, Nong, Bam, Win, Leo and Derrick. It was a splendid evening, and I know they will be hoping to recreate the same atmosphere when they host Christmas dinner later this month.

Thank you Nong and Derrick for a lovely birthday party.

In December Kim and Ou discovered a new floating restaurant, which of course needed an immediate visit by the four of us to check it out. As well as the king prawns on the big plate, there was a stuffed omelette, beef and vegetables, and one of my favourites, chicken and cashew nuts. The dishes were tasty, the ambience was good, and the bill was modest. On this occasion Doughnut did not attend (due to the likelihood of him falling in the river), but he would have been pleased to see Kim wearing the shirt that he gave Kim for his birthday.

Looking back, I suppose a lot of this episode has been about restaurants and food. Much of this is due to one of the big differences between Thailand and the West. In the UK, for example, every house must have a kitchen. In Thailand we take it for granted that houses are usually built without kitchens. Many Thai people really do not expect to cook for themselves, so there is an enormous demand for places at which to eat. As you would expect where there is large demand, there is a plentiful supply. Dott and I are faced with an almost endless choice of places to eat,  which vary enormously in price and quality. We will often eat lunch at a basic, but wholesome Thai 'cafe', where our meals and a soft drink will total less than £1. In the evening we can buy a whole grilled chicken to take away, and a large portion of sticky rice for £1. We would find it difficult to buy the ingredients of these dishes for these prices, so when preparation, cooking and cleaning up after are added, it makes sense to do as the Thais do, and eat out. Even a 'proper' Thai restaurant where one would order several dishes is unlikely to cost much more than £4 for two people. It is only the restaurants offering foreign food that could be considered expensive, so a roast Sunday dinner albeit delicious might set you back £3.  Currently, traditional Christmas dinner and all the trimmings with Xmas pud and mince pies to follow is being offered at £4 a head. But before you jump on a plane to come here for Xmas dinner, remember that a day's wages working in the fields last month harvesting rice would have earnt you about £2!

Best Wishes to all our readers Tony and Dott

 P.S. Woofs to all readers and special kisses to Kim from Doughnut

You can email us here, (it will launch Outlook Express on your computer).   If you don't have or don't use O E, you can email us at yo@tonybrading.net