Published     3 August 2004

welcome to episode 6   

         The rainy season continues, with some heavy downpours resulting in local flooding. After the rain, the humidity soars, and I have seen it as high as 93% on our hygrometer, so even if it is a relatively cool 27degC, it feels a lot warmer and stickier. On the left was the scene in our small Soi after one recent downpour. The water was 6 to 8 inches deep at the junction with Soi Jitapanya in the distance, and below was the scene looking right at that junction. The good news is that once the rain stops, the floodwater disperses within a few hours, and normal life resumes. The yellow object in the distance (below) is a 'wheelie' bin. In the UK each house would have its own bin, but here in Nongkhai, just four are provided for the use of all who live in Soi Jitapanya and in the small Sois branching off it. Not surprisingly the bins get filled very quickly. There are no formal recycling schemes as there are in Europe, but recycling of a sort does take place. There are some less fortunate people here whose life consists of touring the wheelie bins of Nongkhai and going through the contents seeking and collecting the usual recyclable materials which they then sell to support themselves and their families. I consider myself very lucky to be able to live in Thailand and afford a comfortable life so I do what little I can to help such people, by separating all the recyclable materials before they go into our rubbish. Then when we take the rubbish to the wheelie bin, the recyclable materials are left separately alongside. To me this is as important a part of 'making merit' as buying gifts for the temple, which is the more obvious thing that one does. I really do believe in reciprocity, i.e. by trying to do "good", to help others, you are more likely to receive "good", and last month there was a good example. Last time I wrote 'Even our Soi is starting to get overgrown, and I shall have to do some work with the machete.' I really dislike doing this heavy work, and have been putting it off for as long as possible. On Tuesday evening, Dtawt and I cut our lawn, tidied our garden, and decided that we would tackle the Soi the next day. Now you may consider it pure co-incidence that within hours of our decision a gang of people came along our Soi on Wednesday morning, and attended to all the overgrowth, thereby saving me from a chore I hate, but I don't!        The weekend of 31st July/1st August represents a year since I met Dtawt, so here in Nongkhai there was a parade of giant carved candles through the streets on Saturday, with the floats attended by young ladies and children in costume. Yes those are both real (but rather phallic) candles, and the decoration visible has all been sculpted by hand. By co-incidence it was also the beginning of Buddhist 'Lent', and many people assumed that the procession through Nongkhai was actually connected to this event, and not to Dtawt and I at all. Lent is the traditional time of year for young men to become monks and to experience monastic life, for ordained monks to station themselves at a single monastery, and for many people to eat only vegetarian food. Buddhist Lent lasts for three months.                                             

When I met Dtawt last year she too was 'making merit' by following this custom of eating only vegetarian food, so at first I did think that she was a vegetarian. Now I know better. While we do often eat at a tasty vegetarian restaurant near OJ's, Dtawt also appreciates and enjoys a regular fare of farang 'meat and two veg'.

On Sunday (1st), Neng (one of Dtawt's older sisters) and Bombim her daughter got an early bus from Udonthani, and together the four of us plus Doughnut went to Ban Na Jaan, the family village, where we met up with Neng and Dtawt's father and stepmother. Once we had had a meal together, always the first priority in rural Thailand, we went off to the temple with our 'merit making' gifts (seen here right), and offered them to the monks.

A pleasant afternoon was spent in the village, before heading back to Nongkhai. We took Neng and Bombim to eat out at Dee Dee's, but they were completely full, so we went next door to Thai Thai. The food there is not as good, which is reflected by the fact that it was less than half full. (When looking for somewhere to eat in a new town in Thailand, go to the busiest restaurant).* It was still early when we got home so we settled down to watch 'Shrek' with Neng and Bombim, although Neng did creep off to bed halfway through. Bombim enjoyed the film, as did Dtawt and I, and I found myself laughing out loud at some scenes.

*Award yourself 20 points if you knew this already.

Doughnut's Corner  

Dtawt is the perfect spoilsport! I've already told you about the old newspapers that she puts around the house where I like to pee, and about her disgusting washday habits, but the latest trial in my life is the bins. Dotted around the house are various bins in which Tony puts all sorts of interesting things such as used tissues and the like. Naturally I take them out and tear them to pieces, isn't what they are for after all? But now Dtawt has put lids on all the bins so that I can't get at the contents. Now who's going to tear those tissues to shreds and spread them round the house? I can't see Tony doing it! Dtawt is not thinking very clearly. And her deafness is not improving either, she keeps going out without me. The other day I made such a fuss that I am sure that the neighbours must have heard. I was hoping that the nice woman next door Virginia would say something to Dtawt about taking me out, but it didn't seem to work. Dtawt's niece Bombim (pictured right with Dtawt's father) arrived on Sunday with her mother Neng, and the five of us went out somewhere in the car. At least Bombim and Neng do not suffer with deafness, so there was no problem about leaving me behind. When we got wherever it was, it had been raining, and there was a super muddy puddle, which I managed to get to just before Dtawt. She wasn't pleased about losing the race, and punished me by making me stand under a tap and washing the mud off. Then I had to sit on a chair while everyone else sat on the floor eating. There was also a very unfriendly black dog of about my size who wouldn't play, but just kept hissing. Reminded me of that kitten. I was pleased to see John Kerry nominated, a serious man for a serious job! I would certainly vote for him. Do you think he might want a National Tissue Advisor?

Colin and Kai have gone away for a few days, and Tony was occupied making sure that competition prize-winner Miss Sriraksa (pictured right) was fully satisfied. I think that my friend Kim must be away too as I haven't had an email from him for sometime. I hope that he is OK and that Ou has been looking after him. He still hasn't told me what he does about washdays, or what squeaky toys he has, and I wonder if Ou tried those red bows I suggested in Kim's hair?                               

Woofs to all my readers from

Doughnut the Doughty. 

 (Kim don't forget to email me at doughnut_the_doughty@tonybrading.net )

Red Swan Bar*

Regular readers will know that Andrew's bar is the scene of absorbing matches of 'Australian Rules' scrabble (left). In this version, use of a dictionary is compulsory. It  now seems that Andrew has an 'Australian Rules' menu too. Offered a choice of restaurants at which to eat last week, Dtawt immediately chose Andrew's bar as she likes the chicken stuffed with cheese. This was my menu choice too, but patrons used to a traditional menu must take care. It seems that under Australian rules it is necessary to call dishes by the wrong names, so for example if you want the chicken stuffed with cheese, you order Chicken Kiev. Unless you are familiar with Andrew's Australian rules menu, you are recommended to check with him as to the contents of each dish, but on no account should you try to suggest that his dishes are more commonly known by other names. It is his bar, and Australian Rules apply!          Andrew's bar is also the meeting place for the Nongkhai Chapter of Weight Watchers. Members, seen here from left to right are Big Alan, Big Jim, Big John, and of course Michael Cane. Inevitably this is 'Australian Rules' Weight Watchers, whereby the members diligently watch their weight increase, liberally aided by copious bottles of beer. I think that you can see from the photo why this month's 'Watcher of the Month' award went to Michael.               Ian used to be a popular member of this group but was recently declared 'persona non grata' because of his persistent and flagrant breaches of the rules whereby he actually sought to lose weight! Incidentally Ian now claims to be 85 kg, but the camera in his bathroom has developed a mysterious fault and we have not been able to verify his claim. Despite the fact that Ian is himself Australian, he was clearly confused by Andrew's application of Australian rules. Here is Ian consulting a dictionary instead of the menu to order a meal, and you can see with only a glass of water on the table why he was banished by the Nongkhai Weight Watchers.

My thanks go to Virginia, also a customer of Andrew's who told me how Gandalf came to be in possession of Narya, but another customer had a question that defeated both of us. We have visited all the Tolkien websites that we know of, but to no avail, so I repeat the question in the hope that there will be someone who can help us. We were given this list of names:- Graham Broad, Mark Brzezicki, Bobby Harrison, Henry Spinetti, Ian Wallace and B.J.Wilson; and asked 'What is the link between the names, and what name is missing?

*Deduct 10 points if you didn't spot Red Swan Bar is an anagram of Andrew's Bar.

The Meeting Place

Paul (pictured left with resident Oz Tony far left) is making enormous improvements at the Meeting Place. Although he cannot claim the waterfront location enjoyed by Andrew, what he does share with him is a sincere, pleasant personality which makes both of them one of their bar's best assets. Although building work was going on, Paul was still open for customers, of whom considering the disruption, there were a surprising number. Yes that is Big Jim (below) with a pint, doing his bit to keep up his membership of Nongkhai Weight Watchers. I do wonder whether Paul will be introducing any strange English customs or rules to the Meeting Place to compensate for Andrew's application of Australian Rules? A further visit once work is complete is definitely called for, and perhaps one or two before then, to check on work in progress might be a good idea.

Complexities 

Although Ian doesn't quaff the occasional ale, he has nevertheless joined the ranks of the Saturday afternoon circle of like-minded souls who meet for intelligent discourse on a wide range of subjects at The Complex. Here is Ian on his debut appearance with founder Colin. I may have mentioned that Colin's career was principally as a beat policeman in Glasgow, and Colin still exhibits many of the sterling qualities of the British bobby. It is quite possible to set your watch by Colin, but he has been catching us out in recent weeks with changes to his otherwise precise habits. Only last month he stopped in the lobby of the hotel next door to read a newspaper, and arrived 23 minutes late. It was unheard of! In yet another change, and as Doughnut recorded above, Colin and Kai have gone off to Pattaya for a few days change of scenery. I'm sure they'll be spending their days on the beach, and their nights tucked up with a good book. As Pattaya can be noisy, they took a large supply of blue sleeping tablets with them. I've no doubt that they'll be looking forward to coming back to the hurly-burly of Nongkhai after their rest in Pattaya!

For those who wonder why week after week we meet in Robinsons and sit chatting amidst the shoppers and passers by, rather than one of the many bars to be found in Udonthani, a clue to the answer might be found in the photo on the right. It happened last month that there was a fashion show on the floor below, and many of the models had to pass our table on their way from their dressing room. They were happy to pose for photos for us.

More PADS in Nongkhai

When Ian told me that Nick had called him Tony, I thought that it was time to use this old photo (left) of Nick, and to repeat the joke about Physiognomy Acquisition Deficiency Syndrome, at Nick's expense. But it turned out to be a different Nick, namely the one on the right, of whom I had no photos. Once again good fortune came my way when I revisited the Meeting Place, notionally checking on progress, and Nick joined the company. I asked if I could take his photo for future use, and he said 'that's no problem Tony.' I looked him in the eye and without even attempting an Oz accent or Woody Woodpecker laugh said 'I'm Ian'. This drew a stunned look and profuse apology from Nick, who tried to cover his embarrassment by resuming his game. In mid-shot he paused and there was a loud whirring sound for fully 30 seconds. Then a light came on and Nick said 'No you're not Ian, you are Tony!' Just as well that Nick had paused in his shot, as he was about to use the black ball to pot the white. Old customers may not recognise the location, but I can assure them that it is the freshly painted and re-organized Meeting Place.

Learn about Yourself - How many points did you score?

More than 20 points                          You can’t do arithmetic!

11 to 20 points                                   You know how to find a good restaurant!

1 to 10 points                                     You can’t do anagrams but you know where to eat!

-10 to 0 points                                   You are dyslexic and will starve to death!

OK That wraps up this episode. Inter alia, next episode Doughnut will be including an item on Kim's Danish friends, and I'll be reporting on progress at the Meeting Place.

Best wishes to all our readers everywhere Dtawt and Tony